It's fine
I think1 there comes a time (or several) in everyone's life when the question "where am I going" starts popping up, with no apparent answer in sight, and it keeps on lingering until either something is undertaken or one gets lulled back into complacency by mere passage of time.
It's not uncommon for it to creep up when peering over the precipice called adulthood, or after a life altering event like losing a loved one, moving to a different city, or even for no reason at all!2
Realising that you're lost/stuck/unhappy/going in the wrong direction/whatever is always the first step and makes you wonder, how come you didn't see it sooner?
Well, being stuck in a rut makes it easy to disassociate and realise it's been 8 months since you meant to go for a jog the following morning.
You're fine. At least you tell yourself that you're fine.
Bored of eating pretty much the same breakfast every day? It's fine.
Bored of commuting to work every morning and realising you don't remember a single bit of the entire ordeal?
Yeah, that's fine.
Bored of being forced to sit in mind numbing meetings that just make you want to scream your lungs out, get up and walk out, never to return, but you can't because you look down and see that you've got shackles labeled you-need-food-and-shelter-to-survive on your hands and feet?
Eh, it's fine, it'll pass.3
When in fact, it's not fine. One shouldn't be content with waiting for a better tomorrow, for such a thing may never come.
It's not fine
The world revolves around money, but there are other things as well.
There's a currency that all of us have in common - the finite resource called time.
Unfortunately the modern4 world is constructed in such a way that we're likely to splurge it on products that some very smart people in a lab somewhere have spent a lot of effort (and time) to make them as appealing as humanly possible, (ab)using the deficiencies of the human brain just to get us hooked and rake in truckloads of money through ads.
But still, you're free to manage it however you want - use it for something exhilarating or something dull, useful or useless, or even nothing at all, but it's going to pass by no matter what you do with it.5
It can't be turned back, no matter how hard you wish for it to be possible to do so.
The past is the past, what's done is done, but the future is still yours to grab, even though the number of possible paths dwindles ever so slightly.
Don't be fooled into thinking that it's fine and that you shouldn't try and change things.
It's you who's holding the reins of your life.
It's going to be fine
If you wish to grow something, you have to plant the seeds. Sure, the best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, but the second best time is now.
Thing is, you're probably never going to feel like planting the seeds, i.e. doing the thing you've always wanted to do, so you have to force yourself.
The concept of "activation energy" is not just something from a chemistry textbook stating that a certain amount of energy needs to be available in order for a chemical reaction to occur - for a change to happen, you have to spend some energy.
I know it sounds laborious, but that's because it is. Forming habits requires effort, it's easy to grab some food when you feel hungry or grab a drink when you feel thirsty, but you're probably not going to feel like doing something that is not a part of your routine.
Force yourself to do things that would inch you closer to the path you actually want to take. Time waits for no man, start small, but actually start.
Nobody is eternal, don't delude yourself. Take the steering wheel of your own life, because it's not going to be there forever.
Conclusion
Where was I even going with this?
To be honest, I don't know, probably just writing this as a cathartic, but I refuse to be collateral damage of the unstoppable marching of time.
If tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see, so be it.
But if I am there to see it, I know there will never again be the yesterday that was.
Therefore don't come at me with "ackshually", I'm just a random person on the internet↩
Thanks, brain!↩
My favorite is the "I just need to get through this week". Don't get fooled, it's not like anything is going to change next week.↩
Digital, mostly.↩
It's better if you spend a bit of it on a physical activity, that way you'll have more time to spend on other things, even though it does sound paradoxical at first.↩